Abuse, in all of its forms, is a sin — regardless of who the victim is and always within a marriage. Abuse is not only behavior, it’s the impact of the behavior on the victim. The abuser is intentionally harmful, and uses diabolical tactics to inflict harm – mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. The abuser uses an imbalance of power to manipulate and undermine a victims emotional stability, personal agency, and boundaries. Abusive neglect of a spouse is no less abusive than any other form of abuse — the intent is to hurt, harm or destroy the victim. Abusive neglect is diabolical.
Let’s be clear, pathological, diabolical neglect is an abusive tool to coerce and control. Abusive neglect is not a marriage problem, abusive neglect, as with all abuse, is a sin problem that God rebukes and condemns because it not only rebels against His definition of love (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), it rebels against the marriage covenant (Ephesians 5:21-33).
The spouse who perpetrates diabolical neglect, is, in God’s eyes, a sinner of the worst kind — worse than an unbeliever: “But those who won’t care for their relatives, especially those in their own household, have denied the true faith. Such people are worse than unbelievers” (1 Timothy 5:8). When an individual’s affectional needs are pathologically, diabolically disregarded, ignored, invalidated, or unappreciated by a significant other it inflicts emotional harm. Over time, abusive neglect can cause negative impacts on the individual’s mental, emotional and spiritual health.
“To him who knows to do good, and does no do it — to him it is sin” James 4:17
To be worse than an unbeliever is to be separated from God…as far away from God as one can possibly be. The spouse “claiming” to be a believer and at the same time, emotionally assaulting those they are biblically supposed to love and care for through diabolical neglect, is a reprobate, depraved, according to God’s word: “They have become filled with every kind of wickedness, evil, greed, and depravity. They are full of envy, murder, strife, deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, God-haters, insolent, arrogant and boastful; they invent ways of doing evil; they disobey their parents; they have no understanding, no fidelity, no love, no mercy. Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them” (Romans 1:29-32).
“Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer…” (1 Corinthians 7:5)
Spouses who diabolically neglect their mate are depraved and indifferent, and worse than an unbeliever. Neglect is indeed abuse and a sin against both God and those they are supposed to love. The foundation and motivation for behavior in a marriage is biblically clear: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). Reverence, or a deep and profound respect, for Christ does not motivate or condone abusive behavior of any kind in a marriage. The marriage covenant (Ephesians 5:21-33), has a zero tolerance of abuse, and diabolical neglect abuses both a spouse and God.
Yes, diabolical neglect of a spouse is abuse and a sin.
A spouse who uses diabolical neglect as a weapon, a tool, or a means to inflict hurt and harm, has emotionally and spiritually abandoned their spouse, and departed both the marriage covenant and relationship with God.
For additional resources and support for an abusive relationship, visit the Recommended Reading/FAQ’s on our Resources Page. For information about the heart of God for abuse victims and biblical clarity regarding divorce from an abuser, Click Here.
